And we’re back, children of the glade. Last night I mentioned I was too busy playing Batman: Arkham City Lockdown. Today, I talk about it.

Firstly, I’d just like to say that I’ve been one of those gaming snobs who thinks that casual cell phone games are beneath them. I’ve played Angry Birds, going, “Please, I played this years ago online when it was called ‘Crush the Castle’” and also going, “WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE ANGRY BIRDS FRUIT SNACKS IN MY SCHOOL BOOKSTORE!?”

So last night, I was on the iTunes store wondering if by any chance Aquaman’s Rousing Song of Heroism was available for purchase before just stealing the audio via Snip Mp3, because I like to get things through legal means first. It wasn’t, but then I also came across Batman: Arkham City Lockdown, and noticed something interesting immediately.

Holy shit, those are the graphics from the Arkham games proper! And on my iPhone? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?

Well, I’ll tell you what: Arkham City Lockdown is a prequel or tie-in or something to Arkham City (I’m honestly not sure, the game doesn’t have a story to speak of). The whole thing takes maybe a little over an hour to play through all the levels, but it’s still enjoyable. At its core, the game is a fighting game, created by Netherrealm Studios of Mortal Kombat fame.

You basically swipe your fingers across the iPhone (or iPad) touchscreen to fight guys, delivering combos, dodges, counters, and using your gadgets with the icons on the bottom left of the screen. Beating guys gets you experience points, which you level up with and get points to upgrade Batman and his equipment, just like in the actual games. You can also unlock alternate costumes, though I’m not completely sure what the unlock criteria is. The costumes change your health, damage, and attack speed though, so it’s more than just an aesthetic choice, unlike the DLC costumes in the console game.

And really, that’s all there is. There’s some other stuff, like cool boss fights against Deathstroke, a brainwashed Robin, and even Grundy, who plays out more like a neat little quicklime event.

Oh, and the game is fully-voiced too, with the same cast from the game, including Kevin Conroy, Tara Strong, and even Mark Hamill. Like I said before though, the game’s really short. A little over an hour for the first playthrough, although if you wanna 100% it and get all the power-ups and costumes and stuff, gameplay time is extended. It’s a fun time-waster, but really, it would take a die-hard Batman obsessive to recommend this game.

So yeah, I recommend it.

Well, children of the glade, if you’ve read my about page (which, if you haven’t yet, you should), then you know that I do not intend to make this blog about my life, like so many other bloggers like to do, but about my opinions. That said, it doesn’t mean I’m never going to share any stories of my life either.

I have never been on the cutting edge of technology. Not to say I’m living in the past, because I’m not. I just can’t think of a good metaphor that ties in with the theme of “the cutting edge” to explain that I tend to fall a little behind the current technology trends. I’ve never purchased a game console on launch, don’t get a new computer until it breaks (I recently upgraded from a 3 or 4 year-old MacBook to my dad’s old 2-year-old MacBook Pro), and at the age of 19, have had three cell phones in my life, all of which I did not replace until they broke. The first was just a normal flip-phone I got when I was 13, the second was a slide-phone I got to replace the flip-phone after an incident at Niagara Falls (those ponchos they give you are a fucking joke), and I only just got an iPhone last Thanksgiving.

Interestingly, cell phone technology seems the one area where I truly was stuck in the past. I adamantly resisted getting smart phone for a very long time, believing them to be useless, gimmicky pieces of crap which seemingly turned everybody who owned one into an asshole like some kind of douchebag techno-parasite. I recall one lunch I had with my brother and cousins where I was the only person present not texting (Not pictured: Anybody I know). But, I finally decided to get one, and I do like it. It works just fine as a communication device, it holds my music, has a better camera than my old phone, some apps I like, and since I’m not constantly using my phone, the battery doesn’t die out in a few hours like I was worried it would. And as this is the iPhone 4S, it also has one more thing: Siri.

As a nerd, the concept of Siri is immensely appealing to me. She’s basically my own personal AI that helps me accomplish mundane tasks. Now if she had emotions and could make actually conversation, it’d basically be one step away from having my own robot friendservant (a servant that is technically still a servant, but you treat them like a friend and equal so they don’t rebel against you with their superior robot body and mind. We’re making up new words at the Word Palace! Imagine that). Just telling Siri to call my Pop-Pop while I’m walking down the street is a lot easier than scrolling through my contacts, as I can watch where I’m going and not slow myself down. She also can help you find stuff (“Where can I get a haircut?”), which is good if you know nothing about the surrounding area, and overall, it’s just useful. 

What people know less about are Siri’s easter eggs. Try asking Siri, “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” There are several pre-programmed responses. If you insult Siri, she responds with reactions ranging from saddened to passive-aggressive, and it’s really funny. My personal favorite has to be getting Siri to nickname you. You can tell her to “Call me X”, and she will call you whatever X is. So now, whenever I ask Siri, “Who am I?” she responds with, “You’re Batman, aren’t you?”

She’s right, of course.

Of course, many of my friends have smart phones, but most of them predate the iPhone 4S, so they don’t have Siri. And trying to show Siri off to people is a bitch. Siri works through sound recognition, of course, meaning the program won’t work in a loud, crowded area, or if there’s heavy background noise. Every time I’ve tried showing people a feature, they will not shut the fuck up. Siri cannot register what’s being said if two people are talking, and since evidently nobody I know can wait to say what they want to say, what happens is I’ll ask “Who am I” while my friend interrupts, making Siri unable to process anything. I will try several times more to show a feature, explaining to whoever I am showing the program to that they need to be quiet for it to work, but either they won’t register this, or somebody else will suddenly show up and ruin it. I’ll usually go through about 5 attempts to show off Siri before just giving up. This happens every single time I try showing Siri to somebody.

Maybe in the future, robot friendservants will be able to shut other people up while they show off their features. One can only dream.