Ok, children of the glade, let’s get one thing straight now. My favorite genre is the superhero genre. I have grown up watching superheroes on TV, on the big screen, playing as heroes in video games, and in the past few months, have finally started getting into comics. One of my favorite superheroes is the Green Lantern, specifically, Hal Jordan, the first version of the modern Green Lanterns presented in comics.

If you’re not familiar, let me fill you in. The Green Lantern Corps is basically a group of space police. The leaders are a bunch of big-headed blue gnomes called the Guardians of the Universe, who have divided up the known universe into 7200 different sectors and picked one person from each sector to become a Green Lantern. Membership includes a nifty power battery and ring, which lets you fly, breathe in space, and make hard light constructs. What’s a hard light construct? Imagine you could make anything you wanted, except it was made out of laser beams. That’s a hard light construct. The catch is that only those with great willpower can wield a Green Lantern ring, and you must have the ability to overcome great fear. But yeah, if you meet those qualifications, you could get the chance to go on space adventures! IN SPACE! Oh and maintain order in the universe and stuff too, I guess. BUT SPACE!

Anyway, in the past few years, writer Geoff Johns (and some other people at DC too, I’m sure) has been expanding the Green Lantern lore exponentially. There are now seven lantern cores, each a different color of the rainbow, and each with different rings that run on a different emotion. They are…

Red Lanterns: Rage

Orange Lanterns: Greed

Sinestro Corps (Yellow): Fear

Green Lanterns: Willpower

Blue Lanterns: Hope

Indigo Tribe: Compassion

Star Sapphires (Purple): Love 

At the moment, DC comics has 5 series related to the Green Lantern franchise running. They are as follows:

Justice League, in which Hal Jordan is a member.

Green Lantern, starring Hal Jordan and Sinestro.

Green Lantern Corps, which is, as the name suggests, about the Green Lantern Corps. I think it stars Guy Gardner and John Stewart (you know, the black guy from the Justice League cartoon that the majority of the populace is familiar with)

Green Lantern: New Guardians: A team book is which one member from each of the 7 different lantern corps are members, led by Green Lantern Kyle Rayner.

Red Lanterns: It’s about the Red Lantern Corps.

Of these 5 books, I read Justice League and Green Lantern, because Hal Jordan is a motherfucking boss (who, incidentally, happens to be fucking his boss). But I’m not here to talk about those. No, my friends, this has been building up to a complaint. A complaint that I must vocalize. Because what does the Internet need if not more whining? I can vocalize this complaint in the form of a single question:

WHY DOES LARFLEEZE NOT HAVE HIS OWN BOOK?

Larfleeze, AKA “Agent Orange”, is the leader and source of the Orange Lantern Corps. Essentially, he’s the most greedy creature in the universe, and doesn’t even share orange rings with other people to build his corps, instead killing people, stealing their souls, and turning those souls into new Orange Lanterns completely obedient to him. While that sounds horrifying, it doesn’t change the fact that Larfleeze is really, really funny.

I’m going to confess now: The only exposure I’ve had to Larfleeze is last year’s Larfleeze Christmas Special. It’s also the funniest comic I’ve ever read, and the quickest I’ve ever fallen in love with a character. The plot is simple; Larfleeze, having moved to Earth, wakes up on Christmas morning to find that Santa Claus has not left him the presents he requested. He then discovers that Santa did not in fact visit his home at all, as evident by the leftover Orange Lantern cookies (which DC provides a recipe for) that have not been eaten. 

Feeling shunned, Larfleeze goes on a rampage in town, attacking every fake Santa he sees, growing more and more frustrated upon finding out each one is fake, until he learns that he must find the true big man at the North Pole. What happens when Larfleeze gets there, I won’t reveal, but it does include this hilarious panel.

At the end of the comic, however, Larfleeze does contemplate what he wants (which is everything) versus what he actually needs, which leads to a heartbreaking revelation. From what I understand from reading his Wikipedia page, Larfleeze has been separated from his family for a long time, and longs to see them again. And this is where I say DC is sitting on an untapped goldmine.

Give Larfleeze his own book. Make it about his search for his family. You could have Larfleeze go on wacky adventures across the universe, getting into trouble due to his greed and hotheadedness while trying to find his family. Essentially, lots of comedy, but with a serious dramatic plot underneath all of it. Written correctly, this series could be genius, and Larfleeze’s humorous nature could make him soar to popularity reaching heights of other famous comedic comic characters (try saying that 10 times fast. It probably won’t be that hard) like Spider-Man and Deadpool.

And now here’s a random idea I got from writing the title of this post:

I’m not good with photo editing, ok? All I’ve got to work with is a freeware MS Paint ripoff for Mac.